After their children go abroad to study, many parents contact Tohoku with very similar concerns:
“I don’t know whether my child went to class today.”
“I’ve called several times but they haven’t answered. I’m worried something may have happened.”
“My child hasn’t replied to messages for several hours. The whole family is worried.”
“My child has been abroad for a while but doesn’t share much. We don’t know whether they are having any problems.”
These concerns are completely understandable. When children are still in Vietnam, parents can see them every day, know where they are going and what they are doing, and provide immediate support when something happens. Once their children move to another country to study, the distance can make even a missed call or an unanswered message feel worrying.
However, once children begin living away from home, the way parents stay involved also needs to change. The goal is not to know what your child is doing every hour, but to maintain a connection so that they know their family is always there for them while still giving them the opportunity to become independent and mature.
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Agree on a communication routine before your child leaves
Before your child goes abroad, the family should agree on a few simple arrangements:
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When would be a suitable time to call each other?
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If your child is studying, working part-time or otherwise busy, how will they let you know?
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If they cannot answer a call, they can send a short message to reassure the family.
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If there is an emergency, who should they contact first?
A simple agreement made before departure can reduce pressure and anxiety for both the child and the parents.
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Not answering immediately does not mean that something is wrong
International students may be in class, working part-time, travelling, taking part in school activities, sleeping or simply somewhere they cannot answer the phone.
Therefore, when your child does not answer immediately, try not to assume the worst.
A simple approach can be:
Call once → send a message → wait for a response → if the agreed period has passed and there is still no contact, then consider checking further.
This is particularly important for families whose children are living away from home for the first time, as the first few weeks can be especially worrying for parents.
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Agree on a simple “I’m safe” signal
Your child will not always be able to make a phone call.
The family can agree on a simple message, such as:
“I’m home.”
“I’m fine. I’ll call you later.”
Or simply send a short message when they are busy.
The purpose is not for parents to monitor their child’s whereabouts every hour, but to make sure both sides know that they can reach each other when necessary.
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Don’t turn every call into an interrogation
Parents naturally have many questions:
“Did you go to class today?”
“Did you go to work?”
“Have you eaten?”
“Do you have enough money?”
“How much did you spend this month?”
“Are you having any problems?”
All of these questions come from genuine concern. However, if every conversation feels like an inspection, children may gradually become reluctant to share what is really happening.
Instead of only asking what your child is doing, parents can ask:
“Was there anything enjoyable about your week?”
“Is there anything at school that you are finding difficult?”
“Is there anything about life there that you are still getting used to?”
“Is there anything you would like us to think through with you?”
Open-ended questions can make it easier for children to share their experiences.
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When your child talks about a problem, listen before giving advice
Living away from home means that children will face situations that their parents used to handle for them.
These may involve studying, part-time work, money, accommodation, communication or differences in everyday life.
When children talk about a problem, parents may naturally become anxious and want to solve it immediately.
But sometimes what children need first is simply to be heard.
Parents can ask:
“What have you tried so far?”
“What do you think would be the best way to handle it?”
“What part would you like us to help with?”
This allows children to learn how to think through problems and make decisions while still knowing that their family is there to support them.
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Not every problem needs to be solved by the parents
Studying abroad is also a process of learning to live independently.
Things such as travelling, shopping, managing money, organising their time, communicating with their school, landlord or workplace are skills that children gradually need to handle themselves.
Parents can offer guidance when needed, but they do not necessarily need to intervene in every situation.
Caring for your child does not mean knowing what they are doing every hour.
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When should parents take a closer look?
Being independent does not mean that children should have to deal with every situation completely on their own.
Parents should take a closer look if their child:
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Becomes unreachable for an unusually long period.
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Communicates much less frequently than before.
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Frequently talks about dropping out of school.
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Has a health problem.
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Is repeatedly experiencing financial difficulties.
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Has a serious conflict at school, their accommodation or workplace.
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Suddenly wants to return to Vietnam.
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Has problems with documents, immigration status or legal matters.
In these situations, parents should actively try to understand what is happening rather than simply waiting for their child to explain everything.
If necessary, the family can contact the school, relevant support organisation or the organisation directly assisting the student to coordinate and find an appropriate solution.
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Don’t just ask “Are you OK?” — take an interest in the whole journey
Instead of only asking:
“Are you OK?”
Parents can also ask about the bigger picture:
“Are you making progress with your studies?”
“Is your language ability improving?”
“Have you become comfortable with your new environment?”
“Are you managing your money well?”
“Are you able to take care of yourself?”
“What difficulties are you facing?”
“What are you planning to do next?”
When parents understand their child’s overall journey, they may feel less need to check on them every day.
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Don’t only ask, “How much did you earn this month?”
For students who study while working part-time, income is only one part of the study-abroad experience.
Other things are equally important:
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Is their language ability improving?
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Are they attending classes seriously?
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Can they manage their money responsibly?
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Can they take care of themselves?
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Are they adapting well to the new environment?
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Are they developing new skills and gaining experience?
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Do they have a plan for their future?
These factors can give parents a clearer picture of how their child is developing after living away from home.
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Tohoku understands parents’ concerns when their children are far away
Through its work supporting students studying abroad, Tohoku often receives messages from parents who have been unable to contact their children or do not know how well they are adapting to their new life.
For parents, even a few hours without hearing from their child can be enough to make the whole family worry.
That concern is completely understandable.
However, once a child begins studying abroad, it is important for both sides to establish a suitable way of staying in touch: enough to reassure parents, enough for the child to know that their family is always there for them, and enough space for the child to learn how to take responsibility for their own life.
Sending a child abroad does not mean that parents should stop caring.
It means gradually moving from “managing your child every day” to “supporting your child throughout their journey”.
As children become more mature, parents can gradually reduce control and increase trust.
That is also part of the meaning of studying abroad: not only learning a language, a profession or an academic subject, but also learning how to live independently and take responsibility for oneself.
Read more:
Practical Costs of Studying in Japan: How Much Should Parents Prepare?
7 Things International Students Should Do During Their First Week in South Korea
5 Things You Should Do Immediately After Arriving in Japan
CONTACT INFORMATION
Songda Tohoku Joint Stock Company
Address: L02-L01, Area A, Duong Noi Urban Area, Duong Noi Ward, Hanoi, Vietnam
Hotline: 0989 044 852
Email: tohokusongda2014@gmail.com
Website: https://tohoku.vn